By now, maybe you’ve seen our pilot episode’s trailer, or you’ve heard rumors. It’s true, China is full of squat toilets. Don’t be afraid. Fear only makes things worse, as Melvin will discover in the pilot episode.
Squat toilets are good for you. Squat toilets are your friend. Humans are designed to squat. You have squatted for a millennia, until the advent of the modern toilet. Your colon has a natural “kink” in it to help maintain continence. Squatting opens this “kink” to allow the colon to “empty” quickly and completely. People who squat “finish their business” in 50 seconds, while people who sit take 130 seconds.
Don’t be afraid. Squat toilets make you look good. Squatting keeps your leg, behind and stomach muscles toned. Take care of “business” and get some exercise. Talk about killing two birds with one stone. And get some reading in at the same time! Wow!
Don’t be afraid. The modern toilet is bad. It causes constipation, hemorrhoids, colon disease, urinary difficulty and infections, and pelvic floor issues. Besides, don’t you find it disgusting to be forced to sit on something that was last used by a complete stranger’s butt cheeks? Isn’t it a bit odd that you have to endure their remaining [butt cheek] warmth?
The only benefit of modern toilets is that they are the perfect excuse when trying to explain how you caught a venereal disease to your significant other, “I swear! I must have caught it from the toilet seat.”
Don’t listen to Larry. Forget 90 degrees. Channel a baseball catcher or an alpine skier.
Don’t be afraid of squat toilets. Embrace the squat toilet, not literally; not even if you’ve had way too much baijiu (白酒/báijiǔ). Resistance is futile. You will be assimilated.
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